i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
