Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
