i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
