The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Randomize
