Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
