I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
