I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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