What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
