Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
