I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
