someone threw a dead crab at me
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
my being single is dangerous.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
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