dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
