I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
