So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Randomize
