He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Randomize
