Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
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