just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
