she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Randomize
