she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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