RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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