the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
