I just googled if crying burns calories
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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