"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
3pm strippers are depressing
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
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