Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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