the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Randomize
