His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
