The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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