Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
