Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Randomize
