The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
