Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
You were trust falling into bushes
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
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