Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
