she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
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