Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Come share oat with me in your robe
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
