Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize