I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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