I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
