trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Randomize
