why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Randomize
