five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I fill condoms, not promises.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
