i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
