my mouth tastes like poor choices
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
