i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
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