hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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