I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Randomize
