My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Randomize
