How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
