Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
