that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
