if only i could text you this smell
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
