all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
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