I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
