I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
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