I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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