Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
