The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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