I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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